#WhyWomenDontReport – from me in 1989

I spent a week angrily composing rants in my head about how every single woman has experienced sexual harassment and aggression. Then I remembered that some decades past, I actually wrote such a rant down on a piece of paper. Posting it here seemed like a good reason to get back to this blog after 7 years.

Disclaimer: The incident took place in a particular country where I studied in college. I do not intend to criticize the country or culture, merely certain notions of acceptable male behavior.

We’re at a carnival and we’re dancing in the streets and we’re having a good time so at first we don’t mind that he’s there but then we get tired and we want to stop but he won’t leave us alone and he’s grabbing our arms and he’s playing with our hair and he’s touching us and he won’t stop and we tell him to stop but he won’t stop so we leave and we go somewhere else but then he’s there too and he’s touching us and he won’t stop so we leave again and he’s there again and he won’t stop and we tell him to go away but he won’t and we try to ignore him but we’re getting upset this is our time and he’s ruining it and won’t They ever leave us alone but They won’t and he won’t stop and he puts his hand in her hair and I hit it away and he grabs me and he’s shaking me and he’s yelling No me toque Ud over and over and I’m yelling it back and he won’t let go and we’re still yelling and I’m yelling in English now cause he’s not worth the effort of Spanish and they try to get me away without any trouble but I want trouble I want to hit him and beat him and smash his teeth in but I know I would lose so I start to go anyway but he grabs my shirt and he yanks me back so I hit his face and I hate him for touching me and I want to pound his head into the street but the Guardia Civil are coming and I can’t talk to them I can’t deal with them not now so we start to go and he kicks me kicks me and it hurts and I keep on walking and I hate him because I keep on walking and I hate him because he made me feel this way just because I was dancing and then I didn’t want to dance and I hate him because They never leave you alone and just once I want to say Bueno Dias back and know we both meant it and just once I want to ride a bus without staring out the window the whole time afraid of accidentally making eye contact with one of Them and just once I want to walk down the street without being molested or feeling vulnerable and exposed and violated and I hate him because I can’t fight back and I hate him for making me want to fight at all and I feel like I’m going to throw up like I always do when They are really bad and I want to cry because he kicked me and I just let him I just walked away when he kicked me and did nothing but I can’t cry because I can’t let him win the mental too so I buy a beer instead and I drink it really fast and now I feel even sicker but it’s better because I know it was self-induced I’m in control but I still keep looking over my shoulder and I keep seeing him but then it’s not him and I hate him for making me like this and for making me think that every man is one of Them because I know it’s not true but you never can tell til it’s too late so I keep looking over my shoulder anyway and glaring at anyone who might be one of Them and I wonder when will it ever stop when will we be human beings instead of animals to be hissed at and abused but they tell me it’s their culture and you can’t change it don’t try just accept it but why should I have to accept being chased by dogs because I crossed the street to avoid one of Them and why should I have to accept wearing this shell whenever I leave my house a shell that even the good ones can’t penetrate and why should I have to accept this horrible FEELING just because I am female but they say you should feel flattered they think you’re attractive why are you so uptight just accept it enjoy it when you leave you’ll even miss it they tell me it’s part of our culture los hombres ticos son muy cariñosos and so they think it’s okay but I think it’s disgusting but just accept it they say you can’t change it so learn to live with it give up just accept it they tell me give up


Published in: on October 20, 2016 at 12:24 AM  Comments (2)